Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Time does that tricky thing

Days squeeze past me like eggs from a chicken.

No no, that doesn't work.

Time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin'... into the future.

Well that's certainly not news. It's been NINE years since I started this blog. Nine years ago I took up another mantle, something else to feed and care for. Nine years since I had the thought that I could take on more.

Occasionally I think I can take on more -- but not so often any more. Things I've done since I started this blog, actually eight and a half years ago: fallen in love, multiple times; had my heart broken, multiple times; found that a friend I thought I had I did not, multiple times.  I've misspent my money and only occasionally really regretted it. I had a Vespa and I crashed it, resulting in my first and only (knock on wood) ambulance ride. I started practicing martial arts, stopped (after the crash), and started again. I almost got married again. I've changed jobs, but only once.

In all this time I have been living alone, although I did nearly move in with a woman, only to wind up moving in with a different friend. I've learned to be more silent, to tell less. Even now I scan through these words to wonder if I'm saying too much.  I learned to hold back, to not reply, to not answer, and just sit in silence.

More often I wish I had less... less crap in my apartment, less dust and fewer dishes.  Less time spent at work, knotting my muscles in my shoulders over a keyboard and mouse, doing things I have little desire to do, though they pay me. They pay me and I persist. I haven't found enough courage to forge out on my own. Maybe one day....